BBC Sports Personality of the Year 2019 – live!

He’s asked about next year – when he’ll be trying to equal Michael Schumacher’s seven titles – and says he doesn’t think about record, just that when he was a kid growing up, he watched Schumacher and is honoured to be mentioned in the same sentence as him. He hopes he can inspire others.

Hamilton now does an interview, away with his family. He thanks his team, says that he’s the second-oldest driver now, but is still learning, and says it was special to win for Nikki Lauda, who died this year – “it was nice to have his spirit around”.

Billy Monger, who does the VT, says he’s the greatest sportsman of all time. Hmmm.

Now we have an appeal to sport relief – Thomas explains how talking about his personal issues saved his life. Hands in pockets time, people.

Gareth Thomas is now with Kelly Holmes and Graeme Swann; he giveth and he taketh awat.

Now a quick bit on Le Tour, and what a race that was. It webbed me up this year, I must say.

Now we parse the Saracens situation, Man City winning the women’s FA Cup, Lyon winning the Champions League, the French Open tennis and other bits.

Thomson thanks his mum – “she’s been with me from the start” – I guess she has – and he thanks those who work with him, his young leaders, the young people who come to his sessions. And he thanks the parents who bring their kids to his sessions.

Thirteen years ago he got beaten up coming home from a house party, so now he helps kids avoid going down the wrong path like those who attacked him. He seems an absolute boss.

“In this world there is a lot of beautiful things,” Kipchoge says. Preach, my man.

Here comes Eliud Kipchoge to present the award. I cant get my head around him either.

Catriona Matthew is with Clare Balding, talking about the brilliant Solheim Cup win. She’s looking forward to Inverness, Ohio in 2021.

“I always believed I could do it,” he says, but then he panicked when it got to single figures because he’d come so far. He talks about his time away from home, and that his family and friends keep him going. I can’t get my head around how good he is.

Now we move onto the miracle of Headingley. What an absolute hero. “People say this is an amazing year for Ben Stokes … just trying to do my job,” he says.

“You got to whatever length you have to,” he says of winning the world cup. His wife says having kids made him see a world outside sport, and that’s helped with his performances.

Morgan says he was calm during the denouement, but Roy was going wild. Stokes says it was “one of the best days he’s ever had on a cricket pitch”.

One of them!

Here come Morgan, Roy and Stokes … and the trophy. Thirty-three years of my life in there.

“The eeriest thing” says Jason Roy of the silence as he went to field the final delivery and hurl it in. “It’s the only time the emotion of winning has ever got too much,” says Stokes. “I cried … yeah it was cool.”

It really, really was.

“If it went right and we won, it wold justify every single thing we’ve ever done,” says Jos Buttler. “But if we didn’t win … I really struggled with the other side of that.”

You and me both, Joseph.

In fact we’re onto cricket now, and there’s not a chance I can possibly hold it together as we recap the world cup final, Jason Roy and Eoin Morgan doing the talking.

I’d like to say it does one of the greatest finals ever justice, but I cannot.

He thanks everyone and says that as a Scottish rugby player in the 90s, this is the closest he ever got to a trophy. He dedicates the award to everyone who’s supported his foundation over the last three years, and says he’s raised nearly £5m trying to beat MND. Rugby and life have taught him to enjoy life, and I think he suggests there might be some thirst-slaking later on. He then thanks his wife in terrific style and now my eyeballs are definitely sweating.

She says that it’s a pleasure to see Doddie and talks about how much pleasure and pride he’s given people. She’s been patron of the Scottish motor neurone disease for 30 years, and knows what an impact he’s had.

Weir’s wife, kids and ex-team-mates take to the stage, and now so does he. I think my eyeballs might be sweating.