It’s been a crazy summer. Boris Johnson is PM, the country has never been more divided on Brexit. It might be political civil war in the UK but the one thing that has united us all again to make us a truly United Kingdom, is the fact Amber and Greg won Love Island. As a new “couple” only being together for 2 weeks, it may have come as a shock to many but Amber was rewarded by the nation by dealing with gaslighting, betrayal and a smorgasbord of toxic behaviour from Michael like a BOSS.
I’m late to the party, only becoming addicted to the show since last summer but have been hooked for the last 8 weeks. Each night my husband and I have been shouting at the TV. We have been together for 22 years since we were 19-year-old hot young things ourselves and have been fascinated by the mating rituals of millennials.
What’s amazing is how many of the islanders base their relationship goals on just surface things like looks, boobs, hair colour, eye colour, tattoos and abs. In the 22 years I have been with my husband, I’ve gained 11 stone, then lost 4, had twins, stretch marks, thinning hair, weaves, natural hair and everything in between. My look to say the least has changed. The things that make my relationship work with my husband who is also my bestie, is the fact I think he’s hilarious, clever, cultured, kind, hard working, an amazing father, feminist and like me, is my type of weirdo geek. These things only get stronger and better with age.
For those of you who may turn your nose up at the show. I think it’s a modem Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales meets Big Brother. A boxer, influencer, rugby player and pharmacist all trapped in a house together. It’s the stuff of legend. Many people at the time dismissed Mozart’s The Magic Flute as popular trash, Dickens was serialised in penny newspapers for the masses with him having to have an Eastenders da, da, da cliffhanger each chapter to keep the readers coming back for more. He was also paid by the word, hence why his novels are so dense, to quote Nicki Minaj it was all about the “muny”. I believe truth, art and life lessons can be learnt from anywhere and from anyone and this season Love Island’s have taught us a great lesson on gaslighting.
Michael Griffith is the one who actually won Love Island for Amber Gill. The nation gasped as their naughty, giggly friendship turned into romance, which, in my opinion, is the best way to fall in love. When Michael was tested at Casa Amor with a bevy of other ladies and he betrayed Amber, the nation felt her pain. We were all heartbroken and angry when Amber’s loyalty was rewarded by Michael’s betrayal by picking another lady to “couple up” with. This was the beginning of the gaslighting. Embarrassed and ashamed of betraying Amber, Micheal did what so many people do in relationships and also the workplace: he tried to make Amber believe his bad behaviour was somehow her fault.
Gaslighting was a term coined from the 1944 film where a husband was trying to convince his wife she’s mad by flicking the gaslights on and off. We see this behaviour so often in our families, work relationships and love lives. Michael constantly threw in her face his now famous phrase: “you being chaldish”. She cried, she was confused and she tried to make sense of his betrayal. The fact is he dumped Amber, in my opinion out of ‘toxic masculinity’, he though the nation thought he was being ‘whipped’ by Amber and to assert his dominance he treated her horribly.
To make matters worse, as soon as he realised the nation’s support of Amber with him being voted out and only saved by his fellow islanders, he tried to get back with Amber and again turned the tables to make her feel that he had feelings for her the entire time. This slippery behaviour is so hard to pin down like a toxic gas, it poisons you and drives you mad.
When Amber had the chance to go back to Michael and his toxic behaviour she choose Greg: a rugby player, trainee lawyer, gentleman and the only guy in there to recognise evergreen qualities like the fact Amber has confidence and that they could have fun together. The nation rewarded them both. For Greg’s sweet compassion and recognising Amber needs to be treated with ‘respect’ and for Amber, at 21, doing what it takes us all decades to figure out: walk away from gaslighting, toxic behaviour and learn to love yourself. Amber, you are a worthy wearer of that crown.
