FORMER Special Forces tough guy Ant Middleton has come under fire for saying boys should not cry.
The SAS: Who Dares Wins telly hardman is training his nine-year-old son Gabriel to control his emotions.
Ant told mum blogger Giovanna Fletcher: “I say to him, ‘Son, come on, you’re a little man now. Have a stiffer upper lip’. If he was to fall over and hurt his knee and look up at me, I avoid eye contact.
“The moment he sees my eyes he’s going to start crying. If it was my daughter, I’d be straight over there to comfort her.”
But is criticism of Ant’s parenting fair?
Two dads argue the case . . .
YES says Jamie East
BROADCASTER and Sun film critic Jamie is dad to Oli, 25, Oscar, 20, Jasper, 14, and ten-year-old Buzz. He says:
“I cannot overstate the ways language like this is harmful to the well-being of boys and young men. Suicide is the number one killer in men under the age of 45. It’s horrifying and avoidable, but not while we still insist on bandying around bottle-it-up nonsense like this.
“Crying is part of us. It is what makes us human and if we can experience joy and laughter (which I don’t hear anyone complaining about) the pay-off is sadness and tears. The balance of emotion is what makes the highs of life worth chasing.
“So to say a man crying is weak or embarrassing is dangerous and insulting. The same people who silently believe women can’t have high-pressured jobs or make tough decisions because they’re too “emotional” – but being a tough, burly man, now that’s something to strive for.
“I’m a father of four healthy boys, and my wife and I like to think we’ve raised them well.
“But that doesn’t make them Teflon to life and I’m all for that. Throughout their childhood and adolescence they have had and will have sad and bad things thrown at them.
Toxic masculinity is not cool. If you want to be cool, cuddle.
Jamie East, Sun film critic
“So what do you do? Pretend that succumbing to those feelings is to be avoided? Or do you teach your kids that part of being a balanced and healthy human is to accept you’re going to have to roll with the punches.
“Do you honestly think telling your son to “man up” (such an awful phrase) flicks a switch in their brain?
“There is nothing to quell the tears of a child who’s just lost a pet, who’s just been dumped, who’s had bad exam results or is just trying to cope with the mess in their head. Nothing is going to stop them because nothing should.
“Rather than trying, offer a shoulder to cry on, a hug and the advice you’ve picked up over the years because you were afforded the same luxury. Toxic masculinity is not cool. If you want to be cool, cuddle.”
NO says Jason Harding
JASON, 42, from Maidstone, Kent, runs a tyre-fitting firm. He has sons Oliver, 15, Lucas, nine, and Joshua, three. He says:
“I couldn’t agree with Ant Middleton more – there’s nothing wrong with expecting boys to be tough rather than the snowflakes we seem to be raising now.
“Life can be hard, and kids need to learn early on that being strong and resilient are important characteristics for coping with whatever life throws at you.
“Children can’t go crying to mummy every time something goes wrong.
“If they learn early on that crying means they’ll get attention, they’re only going to do it more.
“Ant says that he tends to avoid eye contact if one of his kids hurt themselves, and that’s something I do.
If my boys fall over, I do expect them to get up and get on with it.
Joshua Harding
“I’ll ignore them, because a lot of the time children are seeking a reaction.
“If they know you’re not going to react, they won’t react either.
“If my boys fall over, I do expect them to get up and get on with it. Lucas broke his arm a couple of years ago and was so stoic the doctors couldn’t believe how brave he was.
“I was more sympathetic because of that than if he’d been crying the place down.
“By being a bit tougher, I’m raising boys who won’t lie on the floor howling just because they’ve tripped over. If they’ve got a problem, they know I’ll listen to them, but I’m not the kind of parent who would jump in and try and solve all their issues.
“It’s ironic nowadays that we’re all meant to be showing our emotions all the time and talking about our feelings and yet mental health issues seem to be at an all-time high.
“I’d never tell the boys off for crying, but I certainly don’t encourage it.
“I’m not the kind of person who cries a lot. Bad things happen to all of us at times . . . you just have to get on with it.”
