Adam Deacon has said he had a breakdown during lockdown and had to be treated in hospital after suffering a panic attack.
The actor, who has bipolar disorder, wrote about the experience for Sky News, saying he called an ambulance after he collapsed on the floor and was unable to breathe, believing he might die.
Deacon said his breakdown “started with the death of my friend”, Sean Mitchell, who he said died with coronavirus.
He said he was also concerned about his elderly mother, who has underlying health issues.
Deacon said: “She was my biggest concern, and I watched the news every night and took everything that was being said very seriously.
“But at the same time it also seemed like none of it was real.
“I knew people were confined to their houses, but I didn’t see it affecting anyone I know. It was hard to comprehend.”
The Kidulthood star said he felt like he “went through every single emotion” during lockdown, adding: “I couldn’t see anyone and at times it was very lonely.”
Deacon added it was “extremely difficult not being able to grieve in a normal way” following his friend’s death and he was not able to go to the funeral.
He said he was also “deeply affected” by the death of George Floyd in the US and the Black Lives Matter movement, and his bipolar episode began while he engaged with it on social media.
“Before I knew it, I had gone days without any food or sleep,” he said.
“Looking back now, I can see my posts continued to get stranger and stranger.
“My family and friends were starting to really worry about me, but at that time I was so focused on what I was saying I couldn’t understand their concern.”
He said he began to realise his posts could “set me back a long way in my acting career”.
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Daniel Craig and Phoebe Waller-Bridge were among stars featuring in celebrity show of thanks to the NHS
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Fleabag’s Phoebe Waller-Bridge was among stars who join in a show of thanks for NHS workers on the frontline of the Covid-19 crisis
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Daniel Craig and Phoebe Waller-Bridge were among stars featuring in celebrity show of thanks to the NHS
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Fleabag’s Phoebe Waller-Bridge was among stars who join in a show of thanks for NHS workers on the frontline of the Covid-19 crisis
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“I had worked so hard in the last six years to turn things around after my 2014 breakdown and I was terrified I might have ruined this hard work,” he said.
After realising his posts could affect his career he said he “collapsed to the floor in a panic attack, unable to breathe”.
“I called 999, believing in that moment that I could die,” he said.
Deacon also revealed that his Instagram account was locked, and he was unable to log back in to remove posts he had made during his “manic episode”.
“I contacted Instagram several times with an explanation of the circumstances, details of my mental health episode, and informing them that I deeply regretted and would like to remove the content I had posted during that time, and would continue as before using the platform to promote positive causes and interact with my fans,” he said.
On Twitter following the publication of the piece, he said he was “sad and disappointed” with Instagram’s response to his attempt to retrieve his account.
“Very sad and disappointed that @instagram have responded back to my @SkyNews piece this morning with a generic responce [sic],” he said.
“Saying I broke there rules and that I’m banned for life [sic]. Absolutely disgusting how they handle Mental Health. This needs to change and the stigma needs to end.”
Deacon said he will continue to speak about mental health and “hopefully inspire others to see that bipolar is not a death sentence”.
Additional reporting by Press Association.
