Relationship

A new leaf: the complete guide to getting your life back on track this autumn


Notebooks that smell of fresh paper, purchased in the stationery shop. Uniform laid out neatly on a chair; a rucksack packed, checked and rechecked. No matter how old you get, the memory of the start of the school year never leaves you. The butterfly nerves of a new teacher and classroom; an exhilarating jump that quickly becomes routine.

But what if we adults used September as the opportunity for a reset? Because, after the excesses of the summer – sugary cocktails knocked back by a pool and gut-busting barbecue plates loaded up night after night – September can be a time for a much-needed refresh. We asked experts for their advice on how to get your year back on track, whatever your age.

Exercise

‘Be sensible. Start with two exercise sessions a week.’



‘Be sensible. Start with two exercise sessions a week.’ Composite: Getty

New year fitness resolutions are as predictable as the tides: they come and go, but rarely stick. Instead of waiting until January to purchase a gym membership that will go unused come March, set good behaviour patterns now, while the weather is better and daylight are hours longer.

“Book the time out in your diary, and treat it like a work meeting that can’t be missed,” says Sarah Overall, a personal trainer. Although it is tempting to go full throttle, a measured approach is better. “Don’t try to binge on exercise and do five sessions in your first week,” Overall says. “Be sensible. Put in two sessions for your first week back, with a few days break in between.” Aim to build up to four workouts a week.

A good way to stay on track is to create accountability for yourself. “Rope in family or friends or go to a new class: 90% of forming a habit is about making the effort to actually get there,” Overall says. Find a workout that you enjoy: if you hate going to the gym, take up hiking instead. Give yourself goals. “Think about what you want to achieve, whether it is feeling energised or losing fat,” she recommends.

Food

Even if you haven’t spent the summer months gorging yourself, September is a good time to refocus your eating habits, away from the diet culture messaging that is so pervasive in the new year. “Get stuck into normality – whatever that is for you,” advises Priya Tew, a dietitian . “Find a good routine for yourself – so three meals a day that are a balanced mixture of fruit, vegetables, wholegrains, proteins and healthy fats.”

If you feel you have overindulged on holiday, don’t go on a fad diet. “They don’t work,” says Tew. “They just lead to people falling off the wagon and feeling rubbish about themselves. Rather than falling into that trap of yo-yo dieting, make smaller, sustainable changes.” This might mean increasing your fruit and vegetables by one portion a day, or reaching for healthy snacks such as carrots and hummus instead of the biscuit tin.

It is a good idea to set aside some time each week to meal plan, and bulk cooking can help a new routine to stick. “That way, you’re not standing in the kitchen figuring out what to eat,” says Tew. If you are trying to save money from your weekly shop, frozen and tinned food are your friends. “They can be a lot cheaper and provide you with really good nutrition for your body,” she says. Add in a tin of lentils where you would usually use meat for a healthy and cost-saving measure.

Sleep

‘All light can disrupt sleep.’



‘All light can disrupt sleep.’ Composite: Getty/GNM design/Getty

Whereas the summer often means staying up late or tossing and turning in the sweltering heat, autumn is the ideal time to get sleep back on track. If you are concerned you’re not hitting that magic eight-hour target, remember that there is no one-size-fits-all approach. “Sleep needs are individual,” says Dr Ari Manuel, a sleep and ventilation consultant at Aintree University NHS trust. Most people will need seven to nine hours a night, but each person’s needs vary. If you wake up feeling exhausted or are often tired during the day, you may be sleep deprived.

This can be remedied through good sleep hygiene. “It is about understanding the rhythms of your own sleep and your circadian rhythms,” Manuel says. “When you have signals from your body that it is tired, you should respect them and not push through. Recognise that the night is for relaxation, restoration and sleep.”

Go to bed at the same time on weekends and weekdays. “Wind down from technology before sleep, don’t eat too much heavy food or exercise late at night, and have a cool, dark and quiet bedroom,” Manuel says. Your bedroom should be a place for rest and sex and nothing else. Make sure to disconnect from the outside world in the hour before bed. “It is about accepting that this is a time for you to relax and go to sleep – this is your time and no one else’s.” Which means no aimless social media scrolling in bed.

There is growing concern about the impact of blue light from screens before bedtime, but Manuel says this misses the point: all light, even from the streetlight outside your window, can disrupt sleep. It might help to invest in a blackout blind or an eye mask.

Money

‘Can you switch your utility bills to a cheaper provider.’



‘Can you switch your utility bills to a cheaper provider.’ Composite: Getty/GNM design/Getty

If you’re feeling the pinch after the summer break, now is a good time to think about your financial health, says Jason Butler, a personal finance expert and author of Money Moments: Simple Steps to Financial Well-being.

Consider your spending. “One of the reasons people don’t get ahead financially is because they’ve never really addressed their relationship with money,” says Butler. Do you equate spending with feeling good about yourself? Or are you a “passive spender” who never bothers to check the prices of things?

Set aside half a day to take stock: could you switch your utility bills to a cheaper provider? Do you really need that pricey phone contract? It may seem tedious, but when you think about the potential savings, it is well worth it. “You might save yourself £500 a year – how many people earn that much in half a day?”

Say no to expensive social events that aren’t important to you. Turn off one-step purchasing online to curb impulse buys. “It’s not about becoming a monk and locking yourself away,” Butler says, “but you need to be clear about what you can afford.”

If you are in a position to save, make sure you are getting the best return on your investments. If you are on universal credit or working tax credit, a Help to Save account will match every £1 you save (up to £50 a month) with 50p over four years. If you are a first-time buyer who is trying to save money for a deposit, look at opening a Lifetime Isa. Or, if you don’t meet those criteria, but are able to save on a monthly basis, regular saving accounts offering up to 5% interest are a good bet.

And if you are not able to save any money, consider how you can increase your earnings. “If you don’t warrant a pay rise,” says Butler, “think about what you can do: do you need more training? Are there other steps you can take to become more valuable to your employer? Or do you need to retrain and get a new, better-paid job?”

Work

It is common to not want to rush back to the office after a summer break. But if the thought of returning to work fills you with panic, it may be time for a professional shakeup. The first step is to look at how you can improve your role, because it is easier to stay in a job than to look for new opportunities.

“The ‘stop, start, continue’ method is really helpful,” says Zena Everett, an executive coach and career expert. “Think: what is it that I do that isn’t helping my career? What do I need to stop doing?” This might be as simple as eating lunch at your desk or not speaking up in meetings. Then identify what you need to start doing: develop new skills? Move departments? Get a promotion? Finally, think about how you can continue moving your career forward – which often means networking. “That doesn’t mean going to complicated networking events,” Everett says. “It just means keeping in touch with previous colleagues, grabbing cups of coffee with people and talking to people in different departments.”

If you are certain you want to move jobs, work out where you add value. “There is no point in going into the jobs market and telling people what you don’t want to do,” says Everett. “That is not compelling. Think about what you’ve delivered and what your skillset is.” A good way to know your strengths is to think about what doesn’t get done when you’re out of the office – what do your colleagues wait for you to come back to do?

If you are feeling very down about work, Everett suggests considering whether there may be other factors afoot. It is easy to attach all of life’s ills to a testy boss or punishing workload – but your job may not be the only thing making you miserable. “Is it a work thing, or something else? If you felt happy and motivated when you were on holiday, it’s probably work related. But if you were on holiday and still felt unhappy and unmotivated, it’s possibly a bigger issue – and changing jobs may not be the answer to everything.”

Relationships

‘Be honest about what you’re unhappy about.’



‘Be honest about what you’re unhappy about.’ Composite: Alamy/GNM design/ALAMY

“Periods of relaxation tend to bring up all sorts of thoughts about your relationships,” says Gurpreet Singh, a Relate counsellor. “People go on holiday and relax. When they come back, it’s a good idea to re-energise and think about what they want from their relationships.”

Relationships should be viewed as something you need to work at – a piano that needs tuning – rather than something you can expect to take care of itself. “We’re often guilty of taking our romantic relationships for granted,” Singh says. “It’s easy to fall into a pattern – once the honeymoon period is over – of forgetting to spend time together. It’s a good idea to pause and say: ‘Where are we?’”

Singh advises having such a conversation at a time when you’re both relaxed and not during an argument. If you are unhappy, explain what you would like to see change in the relationship, but don’t expect miracles overnight – they take time. “Be honest about what you’re unhappy about, and have the courage to engage in the idea of change,” says Singh. “A lot of people may be unhappy but they go on living the way they are, and think that things will get better on their own – but they don’t.” It needn’t take a dramatic change to get a relationship back on track – simple things such as improving how you communicate with each other or making time for a regular date night can be just as effective.

It is not just romantic relationships that may need a reset. If you’re feeling lonely, resist the urge to try to make new friends and “invest in building the relationships you already have”, Singh suggests. “Family relationships can be improved with the right help and investment of time and effort,” he says. “But both people have to want to improve the relationship – you can’t do it alone.”



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