I remember the very first time I met you, I wanted to hate you. You stole my mum away from my dad – at least that’s what I believed at 10 years old. I was wrong, but I wouldn’t learn for a while that someone cannot steal anyone else’s affection; they choose to go. I couldn’t hate you, though: you were kind to us; you made my mum smile like I’d never seen; and you let us have whatever pudding we wanted.
You had ended up with three pre-teens you’d never asked for, and over the years we have been difficult. But you took it in your stride. You never once asked us to call you Dad, never asked us to love you. But it was inevitable, you were important. Are important.
You didn’t have to deal with us as you did; you could have shut the door and said, “Not my problem.” But you didn’t. You opened doors, took your time learning what made each of us happy, what made us angry and what made us giggle like we were five again. We were not your problem but you found the solutions anyway.
One of my most vivid memories from childhood is going shopping with you. Without question you let me go into the toy shop. I went to the aisle that had the toy I wanted. It cost an unfathomable amount of money to an 11-year-old. I stared at it and you saw. You said: “What colour do you like?”
“Red.”
And then you picked up the red one and handed it to me. I thought I was going to explode. You changed something in me that day. You did something that you probably don’t remember, but to me was so kind and so big, I’ll never forget: you listened.
I remember the day my sister was born, technically my half-sister, but none of us see her like that. I was sure that would mean you would stop caring about us but instead that was the day I met my best friend. You gave me the person I love the most, and I will always be in your debt for that.
It comes full circle now; our sister is the same age I was when I met you. She is about to go through all the struggles of puberty; but there is no man more prepared than you. And, if you want, we will help – we owe you at least that much. You stepped up and taught us what it is to face a challenge head-on. Thank you. I love you.
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