Looking to make a buck or two? You would do well to follow the lead of 15-year-old Jaden Ashman.
All he did was develop an arguably unhealthy interest in video games, which has just seen him scoop a million pounds in a Fortnite competition. It’s as easy as that. But what to do if you’re not a teen with the time and energy to sit in burn in front of your Xbox? Here’s a guide to getting your child to the pinnacle of esports glory:
1. Invest properly
There was a time when the best thing a parent could do was to spend money on the fundamentals: maybe a private English tutor, perhaps some tennis lessons. But those things won’t make anyone rich. For that, you’ll need a TV, an Xbox, a good pair of blackout curtains, a wide selection of moderately healthy snacks, a sun lamp, one of those cool chairs with speakers in the arms and as many adolescent-sized nappies as you can lay your hands on.
2. Start small
Nobody expects your child to become a Fortnite master instantly, because it is a complicated game that requires advanced dexterity and at least a working knowledge of murder. Start them off with something easier, such as a Sago Mini iPhone game, then gradually work up through Angry Birds, Tetris and Rocket League until they’re finally ready for the big time. But remember, don’t let them play anything too existential, because it’s hard to regain motivation after grinding through a cinematic meditation on the futility of life (The Last of Us, I’m looking at you).
3. Find some proper opponents
I remain convinced that I’m not an esports champion because I used to play video games against my mum, and it always took her a full month to figure out which button was “jump”, and the controller only had two buttons. If she had found some local kids with actual skills for me to play against, the sky would have been the limit.
4. Be specific
Think of esports as an equivalent to actual physical sport. If you wanted your child to become a champion footballer, you wouldn’t send them on a month-long intensive snooker course. It’s the same with esports. If your kid wants to be a Fortnite champion, make sure they focus on Fortnite. Every second spent playing Grand Theft Auto will be a second wasted. Your fortune depends on this.
5. Be supportive
Lisa Dallman was initially wary of her son’s dedication to Fortnight, even going as far as to destroy his Xbox at one point. This might sound romantic – it’s basically the plot of Billy Elliot, but about a boy who really wants to stay inside and shoot his friends in the face – but who knows how much earlier he would have won his million pounds if she had been there for him from the start.
Joe Tidy
(@joetidy)The 15yr old millionaire Fortnite player Jaden Ashman and his mum Lisa Dallman. He came second with his teammate on the duos and will split $2.25m! His mum says accepting him as an e-sports player has been very hard and she’s even thrown out an X-Box in past!! #FortniteWorldCup pic.twitter.com/UCUqGzUOLW
6. Teach your child how to trash-talk
Your child will be playing many of their games online in a terrifying virtual arena in which eight-year-olds scream a nonstop volley of foul swearwords through their headsets. If you want your child to keep up, perhaps offer them a crash course in angry swearing. Maybe binge-watch The Thick of It, or let them sit in the car while you try to drive through a busy town centre.
7. Build a following
It’s easy to sneer, but esports champions are megastars in their field. This is partly down to talent, and partly because they have worked to build fearsome reputations, with nicknames such as Faker, Scarlett and Miracle. Why not suggest some nicknames to your child, such as Trendy or Helpful or PleaseStartPayingRentSoon?
8. Work them hard
You don’t just luck your way to eports success. It takes dedication and graft to reach the top, so don’t let your child forget this. Keep the pressure on them to improve. Make sure they keep playing, even if they stop enjoying the game. Reward their advances and punish their failures. Remind them that you are banking nothing less than your entire family’s financial livelihood on their ability to win. If the pressure doesn’t destroy them, you’ll be laughing.
9. Exercise
Remember, your child cannot play video games around the clock. They also need to move around from time to time. Maybe designate an hour for them to walk across the living room every day, possibly chaining them to a rock to stop them from running away.
10. Laugh at the professionals
They warned that screen time would make your child sedentary. They said it limited cognitive development. They said it caused headaches and reduced attention span. But they didn’t say it would also get your kid a massive house, which it definitely will. Screen time is brilliant!
